worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
