Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
