never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
