Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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