the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
please come you make the beer taste better
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
