I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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