I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
