If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Randomize
