If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
