you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
