Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
