just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
