God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
