I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize