Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You need Xanax blowdarts
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
