Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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