have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
