he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
