Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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