All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
