I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
