Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
