so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize