But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
