I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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