i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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