Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
