nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
