Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
