i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
