Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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