once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
