Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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