Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize