The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
