Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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