If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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