I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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