Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
