And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
