dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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