im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
