so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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