I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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