Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I can't turn off my feet"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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