I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
