So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
