You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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