Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
