Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
