i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
