1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize