There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
