You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
