I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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