I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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