oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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