I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
