the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
