somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
