I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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