I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I love you.
Bad choice
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
Randomize
