He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
