I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
