Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
