how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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