thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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