eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
