Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
