Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
