Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
